This blog post is a bit personal for me. I recently had an instance of transphobia after three years of having none at all. I also had an instance where no woman should have to put up with all within the space of two weeks.
Man coming into the women’s bathroom
I was in my usual pub, which is run by a drag queen, has a drag queen as a DJ, and is very LGBT friendly. A drag queen came into the women’s bathroom when I was in there to tell me I shouldn’t be in it. I have been coming to this pub before I came out as a transgender woman five years ago, so I know the staff at the pub very well, and a lot of the locals know me. After all, I am 6’3” and the only transgender woman I know of that uses the pub.
I was having a really good time with some friends in there, dancing as you do when you are half drunk and just generally having fun. It’s been five years since I have used a men’s bathroom. I do not feel safe in them anymore, as since I have been on HRT for 15 months, I now have D-cup boobs, so I can’t exactly hide them even if I wanted to.
I went into the bathroom to wash my arms as they were sweaty, and this guy, who as soon as I walked into the pub with my friend wanted to take a photo with me and I told him no, came barging in saying I shouldn’t be in there. I pushed him out of the women’s toilet, fuming, saying, “What are you doing in here?”
Things got a bit heated in the main pub area, but as I stated, a lot of the locals know me, so they came to my defence. Of course, the people with him came to his defence. A fight didn’t break out but almost did. Now, this guy wasn’t small and is an ex-marine, as I found out afterwards. I was shaking afterwards when I went back to my table. The people with him came over to me and shouted at me. The locals basically told them to back off, which I am grateful they did.
After about ten minutes, his brother came over to me and started asking questions, not being rude but politely. Well, some were rude, like what’s in my pants, even though I was wearing a dress. I said it doesn’t matter what is in my pants; I am a transgender woman, on HRT, and all my ID says I am a woman, like my driving licence, veterans ID, etc. This guy also happened to be an ex-marine. When I pointed to my chest and said these are real, not plastic, his eyes went wide like he was in shock or something. Eventually, he told me he is sorry for his brother’s actions and that he has been a dickhead.
2 brothers, 2 totally different actions. While one brother was an absolute idiot, the other one while asking some rude questions, said sorry after I said they was rude, was polite otherwise, apologised and throughout the rest of the night kept looking at me to say are you ok? Why can’t everyone be like the brother asking questions instead of the brother being a total idiot.
This should not be happening in 2025.
The next weekend
The weekend after the incident above, I went out again, this time at a friend’s birthday party. The night was great, and everyone was very accepting. This time, I went to a different pub, one that has a reputation for being a bit rough. Perhaps it was because my friend hugged me as soon as I walked in, a friend of hers, whom I didn’t know until that night, even tried to set me up with a lesbian who was there. I thought it was funny because no one had ever done that before, but alas, we are just friends. Maybe it’s because we both served in the Army that we instantly hit it off. I even had drinks bought for me, and when I tried to get one back for the people who did, I was told not to.
Anyway, let’s just say it was a very good night. I really enjoyed myself, felt very safe and accepted. I want to go home as I usually do by walking, as I live 15 minutes’ walk from town. Even though I was drunk, I still put in headphones as my PTSD can still affect me slightly. After about 5 minutes, even in my drunk state (I never get too drunk to where I don’t know what I am doing), I noticed I was being followed. Thanks to HRT, I am very weak. I struggle to open jars of jam, for instance.
All I was thinking was I had to get home, was staying to myself. Kira, get home over and over again. About five minutes from my house, the bloke went a different way. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life.
Women shouldn’t be scared of just walking home at night without looking over our shoulder, its 2025 ! !
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