Confused

There is only one thing that I am 100% sure on about myself. I am a Trans Woman. Getting on HRT is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I love the fact by body is becoming more feminine. But other than that I am a mess. 

You see, I like women, but not in a sexual way anymore but on a friendship level. I don’t know if these days I could be in a relationship with one. Do I think a women could be beautiful, of course, any human can be beautiful, but would it feel right to be in a relationship with a woman? I’m not 100% sure anymore. Could I sleep with a female, probably not.

I think 2 of my friends are drop dead gorgeous, funny, and we have a laugh about our looks etc. like all women friends do but if they, or any other female wanted to be in a relationship with me, could I, probably not.

With men it’s the opposite almost. I like men, but in a sexual way, not a relationship way. Do I think men are beautiful, of course, some are. Would I like to sleep with them, yes. Would I like to be in a relationship with a man, that is a lot harder of a question.

You see, as a Trans Woman I am always thinking men think of me as a fantasy, an object. Not a human being that has feelings. Even when a man is nice to me I still think they are just trying to get into my knickers. I don’t know how to shake that off and give a man a chance, as my heart is like a locked box, not willing to let anyone in. There is no trust there like there is with a woman.

Before I started HRT I always thought I would end up in a relationship with a woman, that I was a lesbian. Now I just don’t know. I have been told that HRT can change your sexuality, I can see how that happens. For one thing it really does, it confuses you a lot.