Poem and PTSD.

 Well Autumn is here, and this is the season my PTSD kicks off like anything. Tried to get some sleep last night, I managed to get no sleep whatsoever. Every time I shut my eyes all I got was a nightmare.

Along with this my mind is racing about being a transgender woman and who would want me. Sometimes I get very low, and last night was one of those nights where I wish I was not here. I feel so lonely all the time wondering if I will ever find someone who just wants to be with me for well, me and not a fantasy.

So, I decided to write a poem to keep my mind occupied.

I hate those that are happy

Because that is not me

I hate those that already are

What I was supposed to be

I hate those that started young

They have not lost their prime

I hate that I am old

it feels like im out of time

I hate those who look like me

That is not who I want to be

I hate those that made their decision

Cause I am trapped, in my own prison

I hate those who can live their life

Mine is filled with woe sorrow and strife

I hate that everyday i try my best

Yet im still sitting here in distress

I hate the way I feel so blue

I guess it's the difference between me and you

But, absolutely most of all, I hate myself.