Well Autumn is here, and this is the season my PTSD kicks off like anything. Tried to get some sleep last night, I managed to get no sleep whatsoever. Every time I shut my eyes all I got was a nightmare.
Along with this my mind is racing about being a transgender woman and who would want me. Sometimes I get very low, and last night was one of those nights where I wish I was not here. I feel so lonely all the time wondering if I will ever find someone who just wants to be with me for well, me and not a fantasy.
So, I decided to write a poem to keep my mind occupied.
I hate those that are happy
Because that is not me
I hate those that already are
What I was supposed to be
I hate those that started young
They have not lost their prime
I hate that I am old
it feels like im out of time
I hate those who look like me
That is not who I want to be
I hate those that made their decision
Cause I am trapped, in my own prison
I hate those who can live their life
Mine is filled with woe sorrow and strife
I hate that everyday i try my best
Yet im still sitting here in distress
I hate the way I feel so blue
I guess it’s the difference between me and you
But, absolutely most of all, I hate myself.
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