Being Trans and Loneliness.
For a lot of Transgender people being trans also means being lonely.
In my experience as a Bi-Sexual Trans Woman most men seem to look at you as a fantasy and a sex object, but don’t want a relationship with a trans woman, while most women don’t seem to want to go with Transgender Women.
The reason I get off bi women I have asked say trans women are “in between, I don’t understand” or for lesbians “I don’t want to go with someone who has man parts”. As for straight women, they seem to see us as women so are obviously not interested in us.
While in the trans community it is well understood that Gender Identity and Sexuality are to totally different things, this doesn’t seem to be understood a lot outside of the LGBT+ Community, especially in cis men.
I have one trans friend who is with a cis woman, so she is in a lesbian relationship, and her girlfriend has said “it’s the best of both worlds” My friend and her girlfriend both identify as Lesbian. She is the only Trans Woman I know who is in a happy lesbian relationship with someone who’s not a trans woman, but a cis woman.
Here are some testimonials from various friends I have asked to write about this. I would like to thank these ladies for sharing there experience.
Hi my name is Marlie-Mai I’ve been out as trans for about 1 and a half years but I’ve always know I was trans since I was about 15, when I come out I was in a really bad relationship at the time (my ex was really manipulative and not ever accepting of who I was). About a month or 2 after I come out he broke up with me and my mental health took a really beep plunge, I stared to get suicidal thoughts again and I was starting to really hate myself again.
That all changed when I met the love of my life in the summer of 2020. We started off as really close friends but things started to happen quite quickly, we was spending all our time together and before you knew it we was dating.
Even though we have only been together for just over 8 months it really does feel like a lifetime ago and I am going to marry him one day because he has helped me love myself again and my mental health has literally done an 180 in the last year. I don’t get any suicidal thoughts, obviously I do have the odd days when I’m having a bad day but he is a superstar and helps me all the time.
When I was single, I learnt a self care routine and realised how I could enjoy life without company. This was very important due to my pending decision to leave my home county and also transition which brings isolation. My positivity and fun nature was attractive to my current partner.
Ultimately my time being single and change of mentally lead me to be in my happy relationship where it grows from strength to strength. I would say my mental health is even better because for the first time I actually love someone and I have resolved so many issues in one move.
In my experience as a Bi-Sexual Trans Woman most men seem to look at you as a fantasy and a sex object, but don’t want a relationship with a trans woman, while most women don’t seem to want to go with Transgender Women.
The reason I get off bi women I have asked say trans women are “in between, I don’t understand” or for lesbians “I don’t want to go with someone who has man parts”. As for straight women, they seem to see us as women so are obviously not interested in us.
While in the trans community it is well understood that Gender Identity and Sexuality are to totally different things, this doesn’t seem to be understood a lot outside of the LGBT+ Community, especially in cis men.
I have one trans friend who is with a cis woman, so she is in a lesbian relationship, and her girlfriend has said “it’s the best of both worlds” My friend and her girlfriend both identify as Lesbian. She is the only Trans Woman I know who is in a happy lesbian relationship with someone who’s not a trans woman, but a cis woman.
Most trans people I know are with other transgender people if they are in a relationship. I suspect this is because they already know what the other person is going through so find comfort in that.
For me personally, its a drain on my mental health. I think that I am not good enough a lot, that I am a freak, that no one will ever want to be with a woman like me. Along with Gender Dysphoria it has lead to thoughts of suicide and self harming. I have not done anything like that though for 3 reasons.
- My Cat. Who would look after her if I am not around. She is my baby.
- My friends and family. They are my rock along with no 1.
- My pride in myself. Even though I have been through 2 wars, been bullied, called all the names under the sun I am still here and I am not going anywhere. I will not let anyone get me down.
- LGBT+ Support groups like my local one called Rainbow Café. being part of groups like this mean you can meet like minded people and get support from them.
Here are some testimonials from various friends I have asked to write about this. I would like to thank these ladies for sharing there experience.
Marlie-Mai
Marlie-Mai is a very good friend of mine who is with her boyfriend Jack. Jack is a cis man and was not part of the LGBT+ Community before they got together, he now identifies as pansexual.Hi my name is Marlie-Mai I’ve been out as trans for about 1 and a half years but I’ve always know I was trans since I was about 15, when I come out I was in a really bad relationship at the time (my ex was really manipulative and not ever accepting of who I was). About a month or 2 after I come out he broke up with me and my mental health took a really beep plunge, I stared to get suicidal thoughts again and I was starting to really hate myself again.
That all changed when I met the love of my life in the summer of 2020. We started off as really close friends but things started to happen quite quickly, we was spending all our time together and before you knew it we was dating.
Even though we have only been together for just over 8 months it really does feel like a lifetime ago and I am going to marry him one day because he has helped me love myself again and my mental health has literally done an 180 in the last year. I don’t get any suicidal thoughts, obviously I do have the odd days when I’m having a bad day but he is a superstar and helps me all the time.
Lola
Lola is a good friend from Facebook. She has helped me a lot when I just came out as transgender almost 2 years ago and has gone private for HRT. She was born in the UK but has a Persian heritage, where it is illegal to be to be gay/lesbian/bi but trans is loosely supported as they do Gender Reassignment Surgery there however rights are very limited.When I was single, I learnt a self care routine and realised how I could enjoy life without company. This was very important due to my pending decision to leave my home county and also transition which brings isolation. My positivity and fun nature was attractive to my current partner.
Ultimately my time being single and change of mentally lead me to be in my happy relationship where it grows from strength to strength. I would say my mental health is even better because for the first time I actually love someone and I have resolved so many issues in one move.
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