Baby Trans – Confusion, Changing interests and thinking of life.

Baby Trans, which I am, are trans people who are not on or waiting to go on HRT. When you come out as a transgender person obviously this is a big step in your life to who you want to be. Instead of having to pretend being the opposite sex all the time you can concentrate on being YOU. Here are some of what I think are important things to note when you do come out.

Passing is not the be all and end all.

So this might be controversial but if your only goal in life is to pass then you are not guaranteed happiness when you achieve it. There are other things that are just as important: friendship, relationships, mental health, economic security, healthy hobbies, etc. While yes, passing is important to many to either relieve dysphoria or achieve safety, it is not the end-all-be-all of existence. There is more to life than just looking like a cis person. Cis people are not the gold-standard for everything. To think otherwise is to buy into cis normativity.

But look. I get it. When we’re first starting our journeys it can see like passing is all that matters. You will put all your energy into passing and if/when you finally achieve you will think to yourself: is that it?

When you first start your journey it can seem like all you think about is being trans. But I promise that it eventually becomes more of a background condition in your life (this is what I have been told from fellow trans people who came out years ago and are now comfortable in who they are). That you stop obsessing about every little thing when it comes to gender. Life is a big, complicated mess and passing is but one aspect of it.

Internal Transphobia

We all grew up in a transphobic society and internalized harmful ideas and biases about what it means to be trans. One of the big ones is thinking that your validity as a trans person is directly tied to how well you pass. That is false. Passing as cis has nothing to do with being trans. Another is thinking that dysphoria is what defines transness. That is also false. Dysphoria comes in many flavors and hating your body is not definitive of being trans.

Another problem in the trans community I see a lot is thinking that being trans is strictly a medical disorder and that nonbinary people are just trendy fakers who are co-opting the problems of “real” trans people in order to fit in and be cool. This is an extremely harmful narrative. Nonbinary people are part of the trans community and deserve respect just the same as any binary trans person. Binary trans people are not “more” trans than nonbinary people.

Confusion about your sexuality

For me at first I thought I was a Bi then a Lesbian as most men on the internet was just after one thing. But in real life things are different. When you go out as a trans person most people are now accepting of who you are. Yes there will always be exceptions to this but in general I have only has positive experiences. This changed my sexuality from hating men so being just attracted to women to being bi. BUT I have realised over time I am not bi but pansexual. Pansexual are people, trans or not, that are attracted to personality mainly. Looks are still a part of it but a very minor part of it.

The one thing that is constant in all of this is that I am a trans woman. In myself I have never been happier than I am now.

The advise I would give new trans people is don’t set in stone your sexuality. Remember up to the point where you admitted to yourself that you are a trans person you was pretending to live. Just live your life how you are ment to, everything else falls into place.

Hobbies/Interests

Your Hobbies/Interests might change when you officially come out as a trans person. For me I was a full blown geek before admitting and coming out as trans. I hated shopping. The reverse is now. I love going to charity shops and lost all interest in technological things apart from a few games on my PC.

One person said something to me about this that stuck with me. He said “You was compensating without realising it on something other than being in the wrong body”. This is very true.

Life is fluid, again live life and be yourself.

Find a Community

One of the best things about being trans is being a part of a community. While there has been a lot of noise made recently about the LGB community not wanting to be a part of the T community, this is a small but vocal minority. And while the LGBT community can be toxic, juvenile, and cliquish, it can also be a great source of joy. Finding “your people”, your glitter family, is one of the best parts about being part of the LGBT community. Don’t let the infighting and bickering dispel you from seeking out community. There is more than enough love to go around.

Kira Herdman